Posts tagged 2016
a confession of sorts

Whenever I come back to writing — specifically to this blog — after a bit of a break, I never feel like I quite know what to say or where to start.

It's not for want of having things to say or topics to write about. I currently have 29 posts in draft. And I've been writing in my journal every day for almost two full years, sometimes only a paragraph and sometimes 10+ pages in a night. So clearly, I have a lot of words to say and thoughts in my head and things to share.

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the weight of your own life

From a fairly young age, I was what you might call an overachiever.

Simultaneously blessed and cursed with an interest in and aptitude for a variety of different things, combined with an inclination to please everyone in my life, I threw myself headfirst into, well, everything. I played piano and did sports (yes, plural) and theatre and dance. I was in the choir at church, at youth group on Wednesdays, in Bible study on Thursdays, and AWANA on Sundays, where, of course, I learned all the regular verses, plus the extra ones, and also played on the AWANA Games and Bible Quizzing teams.

It wasn't until high school that someone told me I might have a problem with overcommitment, but even then, I didn't really listen.

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the ministry of sleep deprivation

I'm not particularly good at sleeping.

It's somewhat of a running joke amongst our friend group, to be honest. Once I get to bed, I can easily sleep past noon, but the process of actually getting there is far less consistent. As a night owl, regardless of how big my afternoon slump is, my brain turns back on in the evenings and it's quite common for me to be up past midnight reading, journaling, or doing any number of other activities.

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a love letter to the woman who feels like she's too much

I have never been a quiet person. I threw dramatic temper tantrums at a young age, I performed in my first play at the age of seven, and I've always had a flair for the dramatic. I talk fast and I talk loud. When I get excited about something, I get excited about that something.

And there have been so many moments throughout my life where I've felt like I'm too much, in every sense of the word. Too loud, too fast, too short, too fat, the list could go on and on. Every time I was told to be quiet, to slow down, someone commented on my weight, or on my height, it only reinforced the belief that I was inherently too much — for people, for jobs, for relationships, for life.

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why I want an instagram worthy life

These days, we talk a lot about social media.

There's entire dialogues surrounding what is and what isn't acceptable to post on social media and at the same time, there's a certain authenticity that is often lacking from those perfectly curated Instagram and Pinterest feeds we consume day after day.

It's easy to fall into the trap of comparison, wondering why your life is so mundane and boring because of what you see friends and colleagues posting online.

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"I'm here"

"I'm here."

Lately, whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, that's the best response I can usually come up with — "I'm here." Not fine or good or happy or tired or whatever. Just here.

I'm in the midst of one of the busiest seasons of my life. On some levels it's beautiful and lovely and exciting because a lot of really good and wonderful things are happening in my life and in the lives of people I love. But on more levels, it's emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting and I'm finding myself completely and utterly spent.

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